The World’s Worst Novel

So bad it doesn’t have a title.  Or an ending.  Or a middle.

Chapter One – Revised

 

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143 Responses to The World’s Worst Novel

  1. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    let’s get back to the jam.

  2. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    Herr Grün sagt

  3. xty says:

    Yikes! What have I inadvertently done? Dang plugins. Back in a mo.

  4. xty says:

    :mrgreen: 🙄 💡 :mrgreen: 😆

  5. Pete Maravich says:

    🙂 :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: 😎

  6. Pete Maravich says:

  7. xty says:

    I do like HST, and yes, I am making this up as I go. Not the plot … I have a plot and a cast of characters and a setting … but I am not wedded to anything in particular and one of the oddest and most enjoyable books I remember reading [perhaps erroneously] was October Light, by John Gardner and it had a fabulously trashy novel within it. My plan is to edit what I have written [to make the Dude happy] and try to add at least a page or two each weekend.

    Btw, I assumed that pernickety perfectionist would come across as a compliment. The story about your grandson giving the wrong answer at preschool reminded me of when I was homeschooling and the kids were little, their paediatrician would subtly quiz them to make sure I was actually teaching them something, and when middle son was 5, Dr Adams asked him if he could write his name. I panicked as he hesitated to answer and then said no. But he then added that he could print it. Like living with little lawyers, all three of them.

    I have/had a horrible flu, and my insides have not been behaving but I have a possible exciting update. My endless research keeps leading me back to something being wrong with my obturator nerve and intestines, and I found some more recent articles about the obscure obturator hernia, from 2013 and 2011. One of them [2011]was from the [a?] Mayo clinic and I dared to email the contact author, the email bounced, I emailed the other author with my condensed desperate plea. This was on Sunday morning. He emailed me back that afternoon, and asked for the images from my MRI, which I promptly sent him, and he emailed my from his phone that he was out of town but would be back in the middle of this week and would look at them then.

  8. xty says:

    I think the comments showing up out of order has to do with the spam filter and links. Some comments just take longer to filter.

  9. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    it’s not a big deal Xty. this site works for me. you shouldn’t have to spend much money or time on it. i am just glad that we salvaged a group of pleasant and intelligent folks from a negative and depressing situation.

    i read a bunch of beat generation stuff, and HST too, not sure how he gets packaged. those guys lived by their own rules. ya think our society was more free back then?

    hang in there Xty. i think we all can tell when you are having a tough go.

    EO said something to me today by e-mail that made me laugh. as you all know, the weather here in Wisconsin continues to absolutely suck. so EO and his wife have been saying to each other every morning, “winter sucks!” thanks man. you just gotta accept defeat. we haven’t seen the sun since Saturday, and aren’t predicted to for many more days. i wasn’t kidding the other day about it seeming like it’s been December for 9 months, or whatever exactly i said.

    thanks for allowing me to ramble. 😉 😐 😡

  10. EO says:

    The funny part is, we are still saying it, and tomorrow it will be May! 😯

  11. DN says:

    I don’t know what HST is.

  12. DN says:

    oh yes, Hunter S Thompson
    as a new soldier in a combat Military Police unit, my platoon got a new squad leader from Fort Bragg. An alcoholic lifer who had been in every shoot-’em-up in his long checkered career. He was a huge HST fan. first time most of us had ever heard of HST.

    SSG Driscoll- one of things you just don’t see every day.
    My favorite memory of him is when he would walk into the platoon office, reach into his 3rd squad inbox, grab all the papers in a giant wad, and just stuff them into the 1st squad leaders box. …didn’t even stop walking. lol, we loved that crazy drunk guy. Me and my buddies carried him passed out drunk back to the barracks from many many strange places.
    If he hadn’t been loaded with Airborn and Combat patches he would have been kicked out of the Army for a different reason every day.
    Only one book on the table in his room- HST

  13. Dude Stacker says:

    Strange indeed- I know culm as version 2 and if you had tried to tell me it means coal dust, I would have lost all respect for you. 🙂

    But here’s something we can both agree on.

  14. DN says:

    Ok great writers, artists, photographers, financial gurus et al…
    my accomplishment for the day-

    Without tools or tearing the plastic, I just stuffed 2 plastic water bottles completely inside a 3rd plastic water bottle. could maybe get a 3rd one in there, but eh… now is the time to reflect on the achievement.

  15. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    i want visual proof of your accomplishment. and i also want to see a ship inside the innermost bottle.

    this is definitely not culm. well at least it’s not inferior culm.

  16. Dude Stacker says:

    Heads up, brat men- Klement’s Sausage Co. is for sale. Heaven forbid that Johnsonville buys them. Our house as well bans all things Johnsonville.

  17. Dude Stacker says:

    Might be good to keep this handy for reference. You know they’re doin’ it right, ’cause the beer proves it. Epiphany- the wife has a Kitchenaid!

  18. EO says:

    Yay for Da Wife!

    Here’s one with the hand crank variety, from back in the day. I’m pretty sure I have one of those around here somewhere. Hasn’t been used since I was a kid. I remember it being a bitch to crank.

  19. EO says:

    New lows for silver are coming into view.

    How many permapumpers have been pushing silver as being the better choice in recent months? Sometimes cheap just gets cheaper.

  20. EO says:

    It’s hard to define what constitutes “the low” these days, with nearly 24 trading going on. Depending on whether you say Comex close, Globex close, London Fix, or just take the lowest intraday tick, the low on silver from last summer is somewhere between 18.17 and 18.61. Take your pick. Currently 18.85

  21. EO says:

    I’ve officially made it to May Day without mowing the lawn. Three cheers for sloth and indolence! With a little help from daily cold, rain, and clouds. The grass isn’t really all that long either. It’s not screaming “mow me”.

    Might not even happen today either, if things don’t dry out a bit. :mrgreen:

  22. EO says:

    Go, Rand, Go!

    Rand Paul to plunge into North Carolina Senate race

    Two possible scenarios. One, Rand Paul helps the wingnut Brannon win the republican primary, which gives the Dem. Hagen a slam dunk win in the fall, or

    Two, Paul’s help does just enough to force a runoff between Tillis and Brannon, which will drain Tillis’ resources and force him to run to the right, again helping Hagen for the fall.

    Goes to show you that the circular firing squad is not just a feature of wingnut blogs. It’s the main event in republican politics this year as well. 😆

    The GOP primary is May 6.

  23. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    i just watched both sausage making videos, and i don’t mind watching how it is made. in fact those vids made me hungry, and also nostalgic. my Dad’s parents were fresh off the boat German. i have not made my own yet, but i do appreciate how great it is fresh. lucky for me, and the other Wisconsin guys here, there are still plenty of small sausage makers around. i generally will not buy a grocery store brand including Klement’s. compared to the artisan makers, that stuff is crap.

    i do have a Kitchen Aide, and would consider buying that attachment, but i will need a helper. i have asked my wife in the past, and she flat out refused. what say you EO, Dude? sausage making meet up this summer?

    watching the metals continues to just kill me. i have lost so much money on the miners, and now i am underwater on all of my silver bullion. Turd, you should cram the next big yellow hat up your ass before eating it. i am behind your pay wall, and cannot believe you are still pumping the exact same crap. i am looking at legal ways to shut you down. granted it’s not likely, so i’ll settle for seeing you in hell.

    that last article is pretty hard to take EO. these people, and those that vote for them are ruining this country. i do not need to say more. the comments after the article are good enough. here is one that a Sarah Palin fan with an IQ of 25 might even understand…

    “The Constitution specifically forbids religious litmus tests for government positions. These idiots have no knowledge of our Constitution or heritage, making them totally unfit for any elected position.”

  24. EO says:

    Christian Taliban…

    And yes, a sausage making meetup sounds like a blast. I would search the house for my hand crank job, but if it’s anything like my childhood memory referenced above, then yes a powered approach would be most welcome. No need to be a purist about it.

  25. EO says:

    Love this one

  26. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    the scary thing is that they have been getting their way, but it’s never enough.

    i have had people argue with me that the separation of church and state even being discussed in the Constitution is a myth. so it just so happens that i am able to find this stuff fast. it is covered in the First Amendment, you know that fine piece of literature that the wing-nuts like to parse.

    but here it is, right in the meat of the actual articles, in the Constitution itself, before the amendments were written. this probably is what that comment above is referring to.

    this is article VI…

    The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the Members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial Officers, both of the United States and of the several States, shall be bound by Oath or Affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.

  27. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    i have a couple hand crankers as well. next time i see pork shoulders on sale, i’ll nab a few. that would be enough for a few yards of sausage. i can get the casings also. i hope the modern ones come without the stink. i do remember that from the old days. and also like i said the other day, i remember calf liver being crammed down the hopper! fond memories of my self sufficient ancesters. 😆

  28. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    BREAKING NEWS! we have a patch of blue sky, wandering towards where the sun should be about now! i will keep you posted!

    :mrgreen:

  29. Dude Stacker says:

    Just back from a 5 hr round trip funeral visit. Many tears, hugs, but soul cleansing. Friends are always great but family is priceless.

    Do I really need to say I’m in for sausage making? Just say the word bro’s. We 3 can ship some to the other 3 so we can brag about how good we are.

  30. EO says:

    If I were to follow my usual course, I would dabble for months on end with small batches, testing recipes, probably with preground meat. Keeping a meticulous log, I would narrow it down to the best of the best. Then, when it came time to go into big production, with the perfect recipe, I’d probably never get around to it…

    Know Thyself

    EDIT: having a couple of partners in crime would help spur me into action

  31. EO says:

    Amazing post up by Trader Dan right now. Must see.

    The Gold Cult

  32. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    good luck shipping meat to Canada. i think it is easier to send dope. well, i know it is. :mrgreen:

  33. EO says:

    Maybe one of us can drive to Detroit and meet Xty on the bridge to Windsor for a hand off. Or better yet, maybe bump canoes in the middle of Lake Saganaga.

  34. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    too bad we didn’t think of this earlier this winter. you could smuggle just about anything into Canada up to about 3 weeks ago if it would fit on a snowmobile. and from most of Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York, it was much shorter than going around (the frozen lakes).

    excellent write up at Trader Dan’s. as i always say, it’s worth it even if you only ultimately reach one person.

    edit: dashed hopes on seeing the sun. but Dan’s post lifted my spirits. i am being honest about that. at some point this cult crap becomes what is termed evil, no matter what you believe in religiously.

  35. EO says:

    lol, dp, Dan just used one of your signature phrases.

    “good grief”

  36. EO says:

    I bet Big Sag still has ice on it right now.

  37. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    Dan is showing his age is all. 😯

    and so is Xty. see above. uh-oh.

  38. Pete Maravich says:

  39. EO says:

    Big shout out to S Roche for kicking the beehive over at The Swamp this morning.

    Trader Dan has been carrying the torch for rational investing, and S Roche just tossed it right in Turd’s lap.

  40. xty says:

    I think I will make Trader Dan’s article my new post. Sad that he needed to write it. I have been hanging on to a Mr Fix post, wondering about how the Russians are doing, but I think I will hold off.

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