Happy Birthday to me …
That said, what a year it has been.
Bought the boat in Cape Cod in January ..
Went to California with a dreaming in my heart in February:
Still visiting mum in March in Ottawa:
Making maple syrup in Penetang in April:
Bye-bye Nana in May …
Getting the boat from Wareham, Mass., still in May:
From the site of the old Cape Cod Shipbuilding Co, which had clearly seen better days:
Fixing the boat back in Ottawa, still in May:
Oh dear in June:
But oh yeah in July! Ottawa, New Brunswick and then Penetang for the in-laws’ 60th:
And then Go Home in August and the cutest nest ever:
And then a lovely and calm fall:
What a wonderful world!
Best wishes to all and sundry …
i sent you one of these so don’t miss the doorbell.
http://fineartamerica.com/products/custom-kachina-marlene-burns-metal-print.html
And just in case you didn’t receive the programme, tonight’s entertainment, after dinner, these are in our house obligatory, and the second I cannot remember ever not seeing on my birthday:
The second as in the third. For some reason you can never get the whole Gringe on youtube.
And I will be awaiting the mail person, thank you!
Leg of lamb, roast potatoes and what were labelled as heirloom carrots, but I suspect modern engineering somehow. Garlic in the scored lamb, mustard and honey mustard and olive oil and pepper and chopped rosemary and thyme on the outside crusting up. Oh and some coarse salt. House filling with yummy smells and we did get a balsam fir ludicrous tree …. kids wrapping … I am having a most excellent day! Neighbours coming over and same neighbours will come tomorrow for Christmas dinner. It is a marvellous tradition and then we will go to their house on Boxing Day and probably New Year’s. Zero stress neighbours I might add.
do you know what i really just wrote?
so anyway, cynical old me came up with something funny today. but you know, it really actually could work. i may run for POTUS. all i have to do is convince the remaining flesh and blood voters of my ethical standard and integrity. my campaign promise is that if i win the republican primary, i will kill all the other candidates, and then kill myself. the democrats can then vote me in as the Prez although i will be completely impotent (dead).
am i allowed to say cunt here? do you like the war paint?
yeah, i’m pissed, yet i’m grinning!!!
Well i love that purple (to me) shirt and the bird nest is beautiful and i just really want to be a bird sometimes.
And my dear friend Woodpecker, and i mean this with the utmost kindness,
I have already traveled the path that you are on and you will see, and love back to you as well. And this song will make sense eventually.
Whatever you have is way more than most.
God damnit 44. just how many peels does this onion have? asked as i wait for your music selection.
xxoo
my wife’s pick. jfc. it’s good. i must quit getting old. right here, right now.
it’s all good. or not.
I do rather like purple ….
No you cannot say cunt here … at least I would rather you didn’t. I have never understood why one would swear using the name of or disrespect something that you desperately love and want.
And the more you peel the onion, the more onion you find. Like turtles. But there isn’t one answer, so there is no need to look for it.
Love those you can, avoid those you can’t, don’t kill anyone, even the Trump, but remember above all it is more important to be lovable yourself than for others to make it possible for you to love them. So be both loving and lovely.
Merry Christmas Morning.
no one has the means to kill anyone Xty. when one understands that, they are free.
Merry X-mas.
It was your idea …and it was a terrible one. Just couldn’t leave it sitting there. Especially today.
No swearing, no evil plots.
Let’s light up the Lighthouse.
i needed to let go of some stuff. a few lifetimes worth. but it is all good now.
i also have rage from this life. both of my parents were abusive – physically, emotionally, spiritually. my childhood was pure hell.
and some evil and sick people? have been screwing with me. deception is also like layers of an onion. i really hope i am free of them now. i do feel like i have slain a dragon.
i remember past lives and i was killed many times. understand the rage of someone dying that realizes that it was needless. but i think that maybe there is a reason now. read that Hopi prophecy please.
if you are on the good side, ignore my angry stuff. even if you play for the other team, i needed the challenge. i don’t know if you understand but i think 44 does.
I did read the Hopi prophecy … but you won’t like what I have to say about prophesy and holistic answers.
I forgive anger absolutely, however.
i probably will be moving on. i have a mission – just waiting for some direction/instruction.
i did order the print but for N. she may be my soul mate. if she is, God sure does have a sense of humor. she is 23 and strikingly beautiful, from the inside out. she has awesome power as well. but i will not be able to explain it to you Xty.
i also believe that i widowed her a bunch of times. and i believe that i saw her spirit when i was a child.
but who knows, maybe i really have gone nuts. but it is a lot of fun if so. i would even recommend it!
🙂 🙂 🙂
who knows. i may hang around some. i know that i am going to be really busy. i have found my life’s mission even if i don’t know what it is yet. explain that!
http://whitebuffalomiracle.homestead.com/
I am going to be honest, as usual. Do not be thinking you have a mission … you are acting manic and denying it isn’t helpful. Stay, go, but please make more sense. If you didn’t send me that thing, why say you did? Who is N? You have fallen for a young, beautiful woman? Do you think this is unusual for a man your age? Believing you have a mission? Speaking cryptically? Telling me what to write or think, having brilliant ideas you cannot express clearly … believing you have a mission but not being able to explain it …. thinking there are sides and actually still wondering if I am “working for the other side”.
This is not my first rodeo, so to speak, and I am concerned.
And yes, going nuts is fun, when it is mania and not depression, but only for the person experiencing it. It is torture for the people who love them.
my wife believes everything i have said, and even more. i have not shared everything here. empaths are for all intents and purposes bipolar. under a doctors care, i did go full blown manic once, once. this has only happened the one time in my entire life. it was not fun at all. it is weird, but i remember clearly my thought processes as it happened. i knew something was wrong with me at the time. i figured it out, although it was already too late, that Paxil, one of those new mindbender drugs prescribed to me for depression that caused me to go manic. but once that brain chemistry gets screwed up, you are going for the whole ride. after that major manic episode, i slid into the deepest and darkest depression of my life. i pray i never go there again. i am vigilant as heck. i am not manic. did you notice that i woke up right when you posted? pretty weird hey? are you in my head – yes. are you screwing with me? probably. you may not be conscious of it though.
I am not screwing with you. I am often up at this time and I am being vigilant because I am concerned about you.
let me explain how i have been screwed with. but i have powerful protection now. i have tapped into some “free energy” Mr. Fix. all i can do is explain some of the actual “no doubt” type of stuff that happened by e-mail. i had to contact the FBI to get it to stop. someone definitely has grabbed the eyes and ears of the US government. Do you hear me AG1969, Green Lantern, and Mr. Fix? Green Lantern by the way is the one that betrayed us with the Group thingy we tried off site Xty. the guy is also into the occult. he is bad mojo. real bad.
do you know what a hyperlink is? well here, “In computing, a hyperlink is a reference to data that the reader can directly follow either by clicking or by hovering. A hyperlink points to a whole document or to a specific element within a document. Hypertext is text with hyperlinks.” i was being informed that e-mail i had sent included a hyperlink to child porn pictures. i had one of them returned to me by e-mail and it was a picture of a little boy peeing outside, bare butt. this is just plain evil. it makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it even now. these e-mails went out to friends and family. i hope the person responsible gets all of their karmic balance. they will. i suspect a sicko at TFMR with an ass fetish, from New Zealand was doing this.
i cannot explain the spiritual attacks. the worst time was the weekend that you quit TFMR. it feels like hate. it is blacker than black. it is suffocating. well, maybe that does explain it pretty well. i am in touch with my heart now, so it is easier to explain “feelings”. i have experienced my entire life through my brain Xty, like you. until recently. anyway, the spiritual attacks have continued off and on. DPH, Dark Purple Haze kept luring me back to TFMR. when i would spar with the guys mentioned above, the psychic warfare would escalate. but i did not understand it at the time. a certain Bag of Shit at TFMR also is into the occult, and is probably responsible for attacking me too.
i have had problems with my computer too. this is hard to explain, but for a different reason. i understand IP pretty well from my telecom experience. most people do not understand how all this stuff works. my computer gets hijacked from the downlink side often. all of my RAM will be getting used yet nothing is running – one can check what is running on their computer using “task manager”. it is usually when i am trying to communicate something that i feel is important that this happens. it is happening a lot this week again.
there is more. much more. but as i have said, i have tapped into some stuff. i feel as though i have more than enough “firewall” now. i am not going to back down. but i think this is enough for now. i cannot make you believe Xty. but the stuff about dimensions someone good with math will understand. i will say that all things spiritual simply are things that happen in the higher dimensions. our minds and bodies are stuck here, but our soul is in all of the dimensions. get it Xty? of course not. you are way too smart to believe in such hocus pocus. but some people reading this will totally get it.
here are the words to the Highwaymen song posted above. did the person who wrote this song have manic depression also?
I was a highwayman
On the coach roads I did ride
With sword and pistol by my side
Many a young maid lost her baubles to my trade
Many a soldier shed his lifeblood on my blade
The bastards hung me in the spring of twenty-five
But I am still alive.
I was a sailor
And I was born upon the tide
And with the sea I did abide.
I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico
I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow
And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed
But I’m living still.
I was a dam builder
Across this river deep and wide
Where steel and water did collide
In a place called Boulder on the wild Colorado
I slipped and fell into the wet concrete below
Then they buried me in that great tomb that knows no sound
But I am still around
I’ll always be around
I fly a star ship
Across the universe divide
And when I reach the other side
I’ll find a place to rest my spirit if I can
Perhaps I may become a highwayman again
Or I may simply be a single drop of rain
But I will remain
And I’ll be back again, and again, and again…
I am appalled that all that stuff happened to you. How often did I tell you to not go there? That it was literally bad for you. But you wouldn’t listen. Yes those morons are into the occult. They believe all sorts of nonsense, including some weird theories about blood lines. I failed to be one of their types, though, and just have boring old monkey blood and no interest in genetic superiority – it was the racism there that really finished me, even more than the nonsensical science and paranoia.
But please stop insinuating that I just don’t get it. That one day I will … that I am not able to understand math or whatever. That I am blind to the spiritual world …
Yes I am extremely rational, but I do “understand” multiverses, etc., and in fact read a great deal of stuff about these things and live with an engineer who is extremely well informed about physics and great at math and we discuss these things all the time. But because I am logical (which is not just a random claim, I come from a world of standardized test taking, and while I have a brother who was 99th percentile all across the board frequently, I was more like a 98th percentile in logic, which I bring up in the hopes that you will please pay some attention to my words) and was not corrupted by a religious upbringing I am free of needing a purpose for it all. And I know that my brain is only an organ and that we are unable to actually experience reality.
But it really gets my goat to be lectured about it, especially the concept that I am the one who is not free, when I do not seek a master either in god or theory. Of course we are all connected, quantum physics leaves no doubt, but at this point raises far more questions than it answers. But it isn’t through large man visible objects, it is atomic and operates on a different scale. Through continued research we will get better at understanding it, but not through hocus pocus.
Here are some books I have listened to recently that might interest you:
Our Mathematical Universe by Max Tegmark
The Beginning of Infinity by David Deutsch
I have listened to the bible, cover to cover. I have translated Genesis from Latin to English with a professor who was proficient in Hebrew and have studied the origins of the writings in the bible. This isn’t casual stuff to me.
We are old friends and my concern for you is genuine. You seem agitated and mystic and paranoid. And driven. These are causes for concern. You also are having trouble sleeping. Please try to get some good exercise to get healthy tired, and drink lots of water and eat bananas.
i do feel like i have a mission now, and that is coming across as preachy. i am sorry.
i did try to explain what i will call the heart brain to you. i never could wrap my head around multiverses, dimensions, quantum mechanics, until now. it has to be approached intuitively, unless you have Einstein’s math brain. the weirdest thing is all of a sudden i don’t feel the need to know it all, despite the fact that i could finally!
the deception, betrayal and the harassment described above has made me paranoid. that is how evil works. it is fear based. evil also is a coward.
you are most likely not the one bothering me. i am what is called an intuitive empath, and i am aware of your presence though. it is no coincidence that we are showing up here at the same time.
i should go back to bed. if i don’t start getting more sleep i will go manic!
ttyl.
If you cannot explain something you do not understand it. The book about the beginning of infinity is very strange and starts as a history of our attempts to explain things … so this very top of mind as well as old territory.
But I do not accept that I just can’t understand because I am not Einstein and therefore need an intuitive leap of faith. That is just religion masquerading and is an old trick of authority to stop people from engaging in critical thinking. I could hardly be being blunter about this – do not be telling me I don’t get my heart brain. I get it. And am desperately trying to let you know that you are not making proper sense, it is not the other way round. Explain your mission and if you can’t make sure you do not act on it. And if you can maybe don’t act on it either. But explain it for your own sake and don’t be cryptic.
And no, I am not somehow messing with your brain. I am an old friend who can see the stats on her site so knows when people are about, and am using words as clearly as I am able to, directly and without any covert intent.
yup. i am free of them. i would be getting attacked already for exposing them. thank you for what you did this morning also Xty. it was important. sorry to the others here for being cryptic! but it is to protect someones privacy. i also can be sure that you are not the problem now Xty. i had to hit you hard to make sure. i really am a tenacious and spirited fighter! um, duh! so i am truly sorry.
i am going to bed now. thank you for allowing me this space. you could have banned me, or played some games like they did over at TFMR. remember the bait posts from Bigottown? once you replied in anger, they would go back and edit what they posted. Mr. Fix was doing that to me also. i think GL has taught some of these guys the deception game. and “Turd”s creative editing is really pretty sick. but no need to rehash. at a deeper level i really feel sorry for these miserable people.
good night, er, i mean morning.
🙂 🙂 🙂
Love and as the kids say, peace out!
“If you cannot explain something you do not understand it. ”
this is not true. i will go back to the analogy of explaining the color pink to a blind man. i am sorry to say that you are missing out on a lot. but i will exhaust myself trying to get you to “see the light”!
let’s just agree to disagree. anyone lurking will have to decide for themselves who is right. i have had my IQ tested twice and i come in at a lofty 139. so we are definitely both well equipped with firepower. but there is a spiritual side to it all. of that i am certain. and i lived my life all cognitively just like you until fairly recently so i understand your point of view… completely.
i am a rainbow warrior. i don’t have my instructions yet. i don’t care if people think i am crazy as long as they remember we had this conversation in the future.
of course all this stuff will make a rational person think i have gone insane. but that is the weight i just will have to bear.
i cannot believe i am saying this stuff out loud and in public either. but i do know i am not manic. believe you me, i was scared as hell at first when i started having this “awakening”. believe you me, i am brain first, heart dead last, until very recently.
i will keep talking as things happen if at least one other person here wants me to share. i will be able to handle your skepticism Xty if you are gentle! 🙂
i must now retire. (to bed) 🙂 🙂 🙂
btw – one last thing. if i am going (gone)manic, i will admit it later. but if i am, it is way different than before – from the Paxil.
ttyl.
i tried to sleep. i can’t. but i did get a solid 4 hours last night which should be enough. but i really feel the need to tell my story here. it is therapeutic. and believe you me, it takes a lot of courage!
so my love for this young lady is not romantic. it is the love that you have for someone that you have known forever. it is a profound respect. she is my equal in every way. in fact, i feel deferential to her and i am twice her age. that is because the next level of human evolution is going to have a female heart. yes, outwardly she is strikingly beautiful. but i did not even notice this at first. i felt her energy. she has a powerful beauty that comes from inside her. she has the opposite of skin deep beauty. for her it is to the bone. it is not at all practical for us to have a romantic relationship. i will be the happiest man alive if we just can be friends. but that is a ridiculous thing to say because i believe we are soulmates. we both are empaths. so we don’t even have to be on the same planet to feel each others love. when i said that i have felt consciousness, and it is all love, this is the reason why. the painting is called Earth, Air, Fire, Water. i named it before i even knew she was native American blood. i e-mailed it to her while she was at work 1st shift, and she opened it while i was working 2nd. i knew when she looked at it. i felt something so powerful that i had to sit down. i was absolutely overwhelmed. we have spoken to eachother less than 20 minutes total so far. this job, and our situations are going to keep us from seeing eachother. but we know eachother thoroughly and can communicate on a different level. she is going to eventually read all of this stuff. i think it is important for me to come to terms with this stuff before that happens.
i do believe that my mission is going to involve this woman but i am not sure of that.
i never did say Happy Birthday. so i just did.
44 – check out this site. http://www.starseeds.net
if i am crazy, it is good for me to know that i have lots of company. 🙂 🙂 🙂
and now a badly needed break from the esoteric. well, kind of. 🙂
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T%C3%BDr_%28band%29
i have never played any modern heavy metal here. i suppose i have some catching up to do in the wonderful world of music.
this song is in your face brutal. but it makes sense to me on a certain level. it in a way deals with hypocrisy.
I have been being gentle. If you insist that I am missing out on something again I will stop being gentle. You are not a step ahead of me in some way and I will insist on calling out mystic nonsense. And my IQ is somewhere in the 160s. Sorry to finally haul out numbers but stop this acting smarter than your host. It is both inaccurate and impolite.
And please sleep.
you cannot change my mind. i cannot change yours. we are therefore at a stalemate.
you have been a worthy opponent. i have to respect that.
remember this conversation.
and you truly are the smartest and the prettiest Xty. my God. how lonely you truly must be. you have been hurt badly somehow.
i do wish you the best. funny how this manic stuff feels like what John Lennon wrote about. and here is your Hopi prophecy.
“And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let’s stop all the fight”
peace. i mean that to the depths of my soul. well, you know! 🙂
ttyl.
i will be posting at the other site 44.
What is with this attacking? Lonely? What are you on about? I have just had the most wonderful time with my family and neighbours and have been surrounded with love and joy for days. Hurt? I am the luckiest person in the world, as I most frequently state. Please stop with the personal attacks.
Merry boxing day folks. The three day rotating feast has finally come to a close, in-laws and neighbours have left the abode, only one dog remains and peace is descending. We had the calmest sweet Christmas we have had in years and the gravlax turned out perfectly. Content would be the word. Oh and a beautiful baby born to a close friend to round out the days.
i am woodpecker
the rhythm of the ancients
the heartbeat of the Earth
i am drummer
i am the percussion of life
i am the one who digs deep
and finds the secrets within
i am in tune with the world
allow my echoes to lead me to the hearts of others
i can dredge up those things forgotten
i can call out that which hides
know that everything has a time
a beat of its own
know that there are always more layers beneath the surface
i have come to change the pace
to alert you to something new on the horizon
align yourself now with what needs to be
rather than that which has fallen out of sync
look to where your heart pulls you
and let it play out
find the new beat of your life
there is great power in realignment
Lesley Morrison
🙂 🙂 🙂
I am really getting tired of this and will have to stop it soon. This is a place of rational thought, and I have expressed myself very clearly. Feel free to start your own blog if you would like to become someone’s spiritual guide, but don’t do it here. This is not the place for false, nonsensical foolery, and I will not tolerate it much longer, and you are not here to guide me. For your own sake please stop harassing me and get some sleep and exercise.
you can ban me Xty.
but i am quite done. i have let go of my rage.
some weird stuff is happening. but i am not crazy.
i want someone to buy me something from here. not you Xty.
http://www.holtermann-shop.de/
i don’t really know that much at all.
but i do know that i am now awake.
i know who i am now also.
i will choose the life i want, and love will lead me. i am done dying.
every morning is beautiful. i will hang around until the sun rises if that is OK.
be kind. see ya around.
You have basically been insulting me for days. How about just being quiet for a bit?
it’s a deal. peace out.
And speaking of quiet, this is what I got myself for Christmas. It is the bee’s knees!
if you keep me around Xty i believe i will be pumping out some amazing artwork. i am connected to the source of creativity now. hey, i want one of those swarm catchers for my Dad who is dying. he needs to catch some wild bees to free some place not so polluted.
i always thought this was an amazing piece of artwork, but wondered if my ego clouds my judgement. what would you rate it between and including 1 through 10.
i do not like the new imgur. my stuff should not be caged up. it feels very constricting. do you think i could sell my stuff signed, so i could donate the proceeds to a food bank? well, after i eat something. i have had to go on “free shit army” food stamps even though i am working more than full time. you see, under Scott Walker, Wisconsin is open for business, and labor can eat shit and die. That is one of the reasons that I have been so angry. The republicans work for Satan now. Well Satan as in plural, er I mean the Kochs. but i ramble.
the Democrats pretend to be your buddy. but they also work for Satan. in my opinion the bastards are even worse than the republicans because they lie about being about good. at least the republicans tell you right to your face that they hate humanity. if Trump gets elected the gourds of ashes will fall. but the earth has died before. it is the cycle of life, er i mean death.
i am not sure if i am going to work today. maybe i will show up drunk and get fired. i am going to visit my Dad. we both have a weak spot for malted barley.
if i get out of hand Xty, try to ban me. i am not even sure if you will be able to now. at some point, i believe that you will not want to sacrifice the sites new traffic. besides, the love must at some point soften up one of its intended targets! 🙂 🙂 🙂
i realized something to, and it makes it all worth it. i get the girl. i am the luckiest man alive. or dead for that matter.
i love you N. hope you are ready for all of it. and good Morning.
i am manic Xty. no going back. but i am going to refuse my medication!!!
well, just in case i really have gone nuts, i am going to try to go back to sleep. i will try to keep my $10.20/hr job. i have a bachelors plus the equivalent of two years electronics, and a curiosity that i have fed that probably makes me as valuable as a PHD in engineering. but i should not complain. i found a job after 8 years of working cash. my expectations were way too unrealistic. someone with kids to feed will always work for less.